“Meanwhile, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s marriage has also been rocked by an alleged on-set flirtation between Pitt and his Five Seconds of Silence co-star, Marion Cotillard. In fact, one particular report in March claimed Pitt was prepared to file for divorce due to his wife’s extreme jealousy over his relationship with Cotillard.”
Wow. We look at the movie stars as our fantasy ideals. They are living our dreams, while we are living our lives. No wonder we seem to have such an intense interest in their very personal lives.
For those of us who suffer from jealousy, we feel validated/justified/legitimized for our own jealousies in our own lives.
But whether it is you or Angelina Jolie, jealousy is a red herring, a smoke screen for the real situation. If you are stewing in your jealousy, you are playing the victim. You’re going for sympathy rather than solution.
Okay, let’s say that Brad Pitt was truly being with another woman. Was he cheating or was he having a friend that happens to be a woman. I have male friends that I have a meal with. Every relationship you have in your life is not a romantic one.
But let’s say Brad was cheating. First thing I would want to know is why. It seems to me that some men have a psychological need to cheat. But sometimes it’s because something is not quite right at home. I know many times women get so caught up in being “mother” that they forget that they are wives as well. Marriages/relationships don’t just happen, and they don’t just keep going straight forward without a little rudder action.
It’s very hard to tell your wife that you are feeling put to the side with the kids ALWAYS taking center stage. It makes the man seem too selfish, too self centered. So you say nothing. Talking/communication is the push-ups of a relationship. It may hurt when you’re doing it, but it strengthens your relationship muscle so your body and relationship doesn’t weaken and fall apart.
And if you are a woman who has had a mastectomy like Angelina, you figure it must be your figure and you can’t do anything about that. Victim. But wait, I have news for you, it usually isn’t your figure; it’s your mood and your attentiveness that can derail your wonderful relationship. Honest. Men just like their women/men to be happy. It stands to reason that you want the person you love to be happy. And that is situation that you can do something about.
When you feel jealousy, don’t give in to it and stew in it and don’t ignore it. Consider it a fire alarm bell. Now you have to find the fire and put it out. A good heart to heart with your honey, sometimes just listening — and it can take time before all those feelings come tumbling out – will dampen that fire.
If you can’t put out the fire, it’s time to get out/divorce, but most people divorce first and then try to figure out where the fire is.
From what I can tell Angelina and Brad are good people who may be blaming the wrong things for their fire. I wish them luck.
If you are having relationship issues and are confused about how to handle them, you may email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.