I’m in process of writing a book, CRACKING THE RELATIONSHIP CODE; Debunking Conventional Wisdom. Sometimes, I check in with people about how they happen to have a successful marriage, and then I write what they said. For instance:
Mary Ann didn’t talk about lowering her expectations; that wasn’t in her head. She talked about bursting the expectation bubble. Expectations disappear. What you see before you is not your knight in shining armor fantasy. That Halloween costume is gone and he stands before you in stark, naked reality. What does that mean? It means he isn’t driven to make a career success the way you know he should, or you expected. He isn’t driven to make a million; some Uber money and a few gigs are enough for him. He has more talent than the world will ever know and you will never be able to push him where you know he should go.
But he loves you. He adores you. He will do anything for you. He enjoys doing things that make you happy in a way no other living human being has ever loved you – well, maybe except your mother. Mary Ann’s girlfriend needed to point that out to her, before she noticed how lucky she was.
Her relationship happiness comes from her appreciating the gifts he has and letting go of her expectations.
“He makes me laugh”, she says, smiling to herself. Mary Ann has Cracked the Relationship Code.
PS: When I asked Mary Ann if approved of what I wrote, she emailed: “That is so lovely! Thank you for reminding me how lucky I am. It brought tears to my eyes. Definitely use! Thanks for writing it. Xoxo”